Over the years as I’ve journeyed through depression and anxiety, I wish I have had more friends along the way who knew exactly what I was talking about. Jen does. This is a great example of someone wrestling with coming out from under the cloud. Give it a read.
I’m diving deeper. It is so, so hard.
I sat with the hope-speaking counselor today and spoke things I’ve never spoken before. It shocked me. I have spent years burying those thoughts. I did such a good job, in fact, it startled me I could even say them out loud.
For 20 years I have been running from desire. My home taught me feelings are optional. They don’t change the facts. A logical decision is always the right one. Well-intentioned mentors instilled in me the danger of desire. The heart can’t be trusted.
So I got really, really good at ignoring desire. It worked great until the hurt became too much. Disappointment overwhelmed me. I moved from not acknowledging to outright numbing.
Just in case you’re wondering, depression is a great game of numbing. Numbing the bad sounds appealing until you realize it sucks the joy too.
Part of my healing lies in tackling this beast…
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